Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
