She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
