I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
