you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
