i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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