i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
