question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
