I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
