my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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