I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
