so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize