he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
