DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
