You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
