think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He better not be in your backpack
50% drunk capacity currently
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
