Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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