Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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