Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
