he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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