are you still at the devil's house?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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