Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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