so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
