All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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