Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
