My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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