I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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