I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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