okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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