you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
