i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
