easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
