Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
