yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
