Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
