I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize