I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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