dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
