just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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