2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As shirtless as possible
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
