Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
