I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
