I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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