i need an iv and a liver transplant
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
