take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just cropdusted the office
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
