A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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