the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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