It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
