she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
