we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
