either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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