He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
