I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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