After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
