apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
