mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
