Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
