Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize