the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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