I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
