and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
