You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
