the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
