the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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