Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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