hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did I show you my penis last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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