I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
