If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
