I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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