just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
