ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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