im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
