I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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