I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
